he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
