Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
