So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
