so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
