hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize