and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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