My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Congratulations! We have a period
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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