you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
