I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's never too late to be topless.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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