Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We had sex on a dog bed..
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
