I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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