I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
