there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
