I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
