By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
