So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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