As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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