I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
