So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
