i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
