Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
