Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
