So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
