He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
