Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
