Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
