I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
