I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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