Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize