Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
