What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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