Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
