this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
