I love black thongs
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
