You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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