One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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