On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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