i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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