yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
