we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize