I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
