please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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