He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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