We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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