the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
