make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
