You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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