i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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