Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
