Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
