so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Alive.
So much puke
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
