You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
