who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize