You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
