well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
