Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
