it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
