win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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