Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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