just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
