Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I am available for nakedness
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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