stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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