Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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