Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
