I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Rumble strips road head = magical
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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