I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i was born a porn star she said
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Success! We fucked roommates!
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