So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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