I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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