Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize